Your lost little girl, tell me who are you??? How elusive is an answer. Feeble attempts to be a mother/daughter/sister/girlfriend/human are insufficient. Typical. Trapped in limbo in the process of evolution. A constant state of becoming. Monotony. Days drag on and mesh together. Live for the moment? Moments become memories far to quickly. Confusion consumes me. The harder I struggle against a foe I cannot even identify, the more I become entangled in the web of my own devices. I am my own worst enemy. But that is not new news. It has always been so. The harder you try, the more it hurts when you fail. Funny, I have been traveling for so long, I can‘t even remember where it was that I was going. When I believe I am making progress, it seems, that is when I am failing miserably. Am I truely that ignorant?? What if everything I believe is real turns out to be fake. Somehow I don’t think it would surprise me much. Am I destined to smother among the plastic flowers.
Facade. Nothing in this life is real. It is an illusionary interface. Every breath that we take is fake. I don’t even know if I am real. This new me that I have worked so hard to create. In reality, I am still a scared, confused little girl.
Breaking Point? What happens when there is nothing left that can console a heart that is so irrevocably jaded? When I can no longer say, "Keep trying, it will get better." What happens when finally, finally I cant find some far off glimmer of hope to hold on to?? What happens when all that is real catches me? Hurt, despair, hate. My shield of optimism is wearing thin. What happens when there is nothing left to hold on to??
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